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Creator: Guy Ritchie abstract: The Gentlemen is a movie starring Matthew McConaughey, Charlie Hunnam, and Michelle Dockery. A British drug lord tries to sell off his highly profitable empire to a dynasty of Oklahoma billionaires runtime: 113 minutes Matthew McConaughey Ratings: 8,8 of 10 Star.

I want him to say: “You wanna hear another joke jimmy?”. 0:31 who saw the poster of the man from Uncle. 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You can also check there my Wishlist if you want a better idea of the genres I like. To summarize that I like strategy, rpg, action, original indie games but not only. Just please don't offer me rpg maker games, platform, puzzle games or similar. I got too many of those in bundles really. Steam Account IGS Rep Page SGS Rep Page 1 SGS Rep Page 2 SGS Rep Page 3 GT Rep Page Indiegala Rep Page.

Strong acting from the whole cast and Hugh Grant was brilliant. Anybody knows what kind of glasses is Matthew wearing. Cathy Bates John Hamm Looks good.

Its cool how the bartender is jus chillin in the back

Why does Charlie Hunnam look so unhappy to be there. His gold standard snatch lmao🤣🤣🤣. Saw this movie the other week, He killed it in this movie ! This movie is so good. Nice that they have watched each other's movies. More crap from Hollywood. now I know what to avoid. Greta Van Fleet song came on in the Ford Vs Ferrari preview. love them. High resolution gospodarki. Just to clarify the dislikes are for jimmy not for Joaquin. I loved this movie honetly. Holly molly I cant wait😁. The Gentlemen.

Fun fact: this movie title is the same as the hit band “The Gentlemen” (the creators of 2019 Guy. Need For Speed 2 better learn the aesthetics of camera movements and adrenaline buildup from this movie I hope Aaron Paul is listening or better yet let James Mangold direct it. Man does this story need to be told especially in 2019 given how the country now views the FBI and the Media.

Imagine saying that in a job interview when your interviewer asked with years of experience why are u still a senior instead of a director. It's one of life's mystery sir😂😂😂😂. Comprehensive highly stylish plot delivered in a tongue in cheek manner. “The blockbuster movie of the summer” “The best romantic comedy this year” “Critics agree, this movie is great fun” Well known actor slowly turns to camera and says a cheesy one liner at the end of the trailer to tease that they are in the film. My favorite though is the trailers that play crazy epic music but shows scenes that dont match the music lol. Like the song alone can somehow convince us this movie will be great.

Pure Michael Bay magic! 😍 Can't wait! 👍👍 P. S. They should release it in the theaters as well. How many good actors playing in this damn. High resolution gospodarstwo. ' I need those phones. NAAHHGHH. Thanks, Mr H (as always) Guy Ritchie is back to his old habits without his pub-buddy, Matthew Vaughn. OBKB. Well, he gets alimony from Madonna so why not? Was kinda hoping for that sequel to RocknRolla but I guess this will do. We ain't ever getting that sequel, are we. Actually cant wait for this to come out. I have a few minutes to run you through them I wonder if by few you mean almost exactly 10. This is definitely for Guy Ritchie fans, I like his movies so for me it's a must see. Quite repetitive in places and a need for less talk more action. What was good. Part 1 Part 2 Ive seen a few other theories fluttering about on here, and to be honest you love to see it. There are so many possible directions for the show that its actually impossible for Laurie to please everyone, so seeing everyones different opinions is class. Keep them coming! Ah, the last of a trilogy. Its been a fun ride, and Ive been thinking a lot about how to neatly wrap up Otis and Maeves story in season 3. If youll remember, they were left on quite a sour note in episode 7, so how will they overcome this? Will they overcome it? Lets find out. 3x08 – Preparations for Otis birthday are underway. Jean, the amazing mum she is, is arranging a surprise party for Otis with the help of Jakob, Eric and Ruby. The big plan was for Eric, Ruby and Maeve to take Otis birthday off “sick” and set up the house party for him, but evidently Maeve is no longer on board with this plan. In fact, she doesnt seem to be on board with anything. At school the day after her argument with Otis, and the day before his birthday, she kicks off at almost anyone and everyone who comes near her, its clearly been a rough night. At one point, she turns a corner and sees Otis, Eric and Ruby laughing together. Eye contact is made, so she turns on a swivel and runs into, guess who, Isaac. Isaac, in the midst of the season, has been struggling to make friends at Moordale, seemingly preferring to move by himself as “no-one understands me”. He apologises to Maeve again for everything and asks her if she can ever forgive a “poor, innocent, disabled boy. ” Maeve, not having the energy to argue and feeling quite alone in her own right, smirks, forgiving Isaac, and the two go to class together. We see Otis, Eric and Ruby hanging out at lunch time (can I just iterate how fucking incredible this dynamic would be) all going through their own problems. Eric and Ruby are bitching to each other, whilst Otis stays silent. When they ask him whats wrong, he laughs, quietly says, “Do you ever get the feeling that the world just doesnt want you to be happy. ” He breaks down. Aimee also appears as Eric and Ruby are consoling Otis, and the three ask him whats wrong. He tells them what happened with Maeve, and everyone is a wreck. When they re-assure him that its his birthday tomorrow, and theyve not officially broken up so theres always a chance, Otis sadly says, “We couldnt have broken up, how could we, when its never felt like weve been together at all. ” Its a heart-wrenching scene. Elsewhere, Maeve is dodging all of Isaacs questions about Otis. Its nothing insulting, Isaac simply seems overly inquisitive. When he asks if the two of them are still together, Maeve says, “Yes, but as always, fucking up seems to be my best quality. ” Isaac re-assures her that none of this is her fault, shes too brilliant to ever be blamed for anything, and that if all else fails, “you can do much better. ” Evidently, Isaacs social skills still leave a lot to be desired, but Maeve seems too exhausted to clap back. She simply says, “There is no one better. The heart wants what it wants, ” before going to leave. Isaac looks frustrated, and shouts to Maeve as shes about to leave, “Isnt it Otis birthday tomorrow? ” She says, “Yeah, why? ” Isaac drops the bomb; “Remember the last time Otis had a party? The heart does want what it wants, but nobodys heart deserves to be hurt again. ” Maeve finishes the conversation with a, “Exactly. Dont worry, I wont hurt his heart again. ” Just before the episode finishes, we spend the majority of this episode exploring other storylines) we see Jackson taking Olivia to the abortion clinic. I think inserting Olivia into Jackson and Vivs storyline could work well, as following on from the bus scene in 2x07, we can say that Olivia and Viv bonded. Dont worry, the baby isnt Jacksons, Olivia is still reeling after the “my boyfriend is actually 15” situation and accidentally got pregnant since, nothing scandalous. However, the important thing is that when Jackson arrives with Olivia, the two protestors he meets are the same ones from 1x03, when Maeve went. Jackson says, “Can you stop shouting? She was a nervous wreck already; youre just making it worse. ” The girl protestor says, “Just making sure she can hear Gods message. Anyway, the teenagers can sometimes prove to be difficult. One hit Charlie in the face with a door a while ago. ” Jackson says, “I can think of a few people who wouldnt take your yelling lying down. ” She says, “Most just ignore us, but not this one. She looked the type as well, pink hair, nose piercing, think she took one look at us and thought “dickheads. ”” Jacksons face has dropped by this point. Whats worse is that she continues, “Nothing like the boy with her though. Sweet kid, really helped me and Charlie overcome some of our differences. ” Jackson asks how long ago this was, and she says, “Maybe six, seven months ago. ” At this point, Jackson vomits in a nearby bush. The credits roll as he clutches a wall for support. 2x09 – Otis birthday. This episode is mainly focused on the party itself, so Ill quickly roll through the key points that occur at school before the party: Eric, Aimee and Ruby are off (helping to set up party) Maeve is off (genuinely ill after getting little-to-no sleep recently) and Jackson is off (has a migraine after the news he learnt yesterday. At school, Otis spends most of the day with Ola and Lily, who know about the party and do a good job at keeping him looking forward to the evening. After school, they offer to walk with him home, which Otis really appreciates after his history with both girls. Meanwhile, Aimee, Eric and Ruby have been busy inviting the whole first year of sixth form to the party via text, and its looking to be a promising turn-out. Just before Otis arrives home, we have a scene where Isaac, whos received the text about the party, is asking Maeve whether shes going to go. (DISCLAIMER: the reason why I am somewhat replicating Otis party in season 2 is that I feel its a chance to directly compare characters and view their development. Maeve says she wasnt planning on it, as she feels like shit and things arent exactly rosy between her and Otis. Isaac says if there was ever a chance to fix things with Otis, its now, and hey, hell be there, the party animal. Eventually, Maeve agrees, and after a pretty cool preparation montage, shes looking stunning. Shes wearing the dress she wore to the dance in 1x07, and just before leaving, scrunches Otis jumper from season 1 into a ball and shoves it in her bag. Otis arrives home to the surprise party with Ola and Lily and looks genuinely happy and surprised that everyones there. Throughout the season, outside of his relationship with Maeve, Otis has gotten much better at making friends (the fact hes with Maeve has greatly increased his confidence) and so everyone warmly greets him. Its looking to be a good night, and everything is going incredibly well, with only four later arrivals ready to shake things up; first Jackson (has decided he needs to speak to Otis and/or Maeve) then Adam (in another storyline is struggling with Eric, and wants to sort things out with him) and finally Maeve and Isaac, who enter to a colder reception. As such, Maeve quickly grabs the nearest bottle of vodka she can find and downs it, whilst Isaac encourages this, telling her “party animals do as party animals do. ” Halfway through the party, everything is going well, until two situations are ready to reach boiling point; Jackson, deciding Maeve is too drunk to talk to, grabs Otis for a private chat. Aimee, deciding Maeve is too drunk to function, goes to talk to her. The first scene we see is Jackson and Otis, which proves to be as tense as expected. Jackson asks Otis straight up who got Maeve pregnant, and when Otis finally concedes and says it was his baby (“honesty is the best policy”) Jackson looks like hes about to faint. He first says, “How could you not tell me, man? ” and Otis replies, “How could I? That sort of thing changes lives, Jackson, and if Maeve didnt want the baby, I just didnt think it was fair for me to decide whether you should know. Im so sorry. ” Jackson takes this okay, taking a deep breath and saying, “I guess she did have a rough upbringing, a baby wouldnt exactly help her situation. Imagine the pressure of a child. ” Otis replies sincerely, with “They do say pressure produces diamonds. I mean, look at yourself, man. ” In a heart-warming moment, Otis and Jackson embrace, Jackson simply says, “Youre a good guy, Otis, ” and then the two re-join the party. Downstairs, all shit is about to break loose. Maeve is incredibly drunk, and Aimee is attempting to keep her under control. After spilling a drink on her and telling her to chill out and be a “party animal”, Aimee asks if this drinking is just to forget whats happened with Otis, because if so, wouldnt it be better to just talk to him, as their love shouldnt be wasted (I think this is exactly the type of advice Aimee is capable of. At this point, Maeve sees Otis come downstairs, and the two lock eyes again, before Maeve screams, “Excuse me, everyone! Cock biter has something to say. ” I know, oh shit, weve been here before. Surely it cant be any worse than Otis speech…can it? Maeve, whos climbed on the same table as Otis did, – “My real name isnt actually cock biter, its Maeve Wiley. And Otis Milburn is my boyfriend. I know, right? My boyfriend is the birthday boy, how about it? You know, Im not exactly the birthday type, but Ive been preparing for this for a long time. I really wanted to make Otis have an unforgettable day. So, my first question was, what present to get him, hey? So important, yeah, so I was looking right, and thought, it has to be something sentimental. You see, for my birthday, Otis got me a diary with my birthdays ripped out, because I fucking hate birthdays. So, part of me wanted to punch him, and part of me wanted to kiss him there and then. That sums up Otis pretty well, doesnt it, guys? Did you know, Otis, that Ive written in that diary every day since you gave it to me. Shall I read out the last two entries? I think so. ” As Maeve reaches into her bag, Aimee tries to pull her down, but she shakes her off and grabs her diary, as everyone at the party listens keenly. Otis, in particular, looks caught between anger and tears. Before Maeve starts reading though, she rips the pages out of the diary and throws them away, looks dazed, and continues. Maeve – “Wednesday. Me and Otis had sex today, and by that, I mean I had sex with Otis today. Im pretty sure Otis had sex with Ruby. You know, maybe Otis just feels sorry that Rubys dad is sick, and wants to make her better, but his sex wont do that, that would probably make her worse, right, two-minute man? Anyways, he said to me that he loves me, and he definitely doesnt love Ruby as much as me, sorry Rubes. Then he shouted at me for a bit, because of his clouds and some shit like that, then made me leave. Wednesday was a shitty day. Then, on Thursday, my buddy here, Isaac, say hi, Isaac, made me realise something important. No heart deserves to be hurt more than once. So, I said to myself, hey, I know how to fix things, Otis. ” At this point, shes climbed down from the table and is now right in front of Otis, bag in hand. “Hurt is a feeling. ” She grabs Otis jumper out of the bag. “This jumper is from the day we nearly kissed on the bridge, the day I fell for you. I hope, by giving it back, my feelings will stop, and without feeling, I cant hurt anymore… Love is a feeling too. I sometimes think Im in love with you, Otis, and that makes me scared. Ive never loved anyone truly before ( cut to Jackson looking distraught. but I know that love only leads to hurt, and I could never hurt you. It would ruin me. So, the best way to not hurt is to not love. Your heart is so pure, Otis. Take this back…then youll never be hurt by me again. ” Maeve shoves the jumper in Otis arms. The party is silent. Ruby and Jackson leave the party, broken. Otis simply stares at Maeve in disbelief. His only line, the episode-ending line, is “if only it were that easy. ” Otis goes upstairs, as Jean ends the party abruptly. “When the Partys Over” by Billie Eilish starts playing, as we see our final compilation of the cast to end the episode. Ruby and Jackson arrive home, not in a good way. Isaac and Aimee escort Maeve back home, where Aimee sees an exhausted Maeve into bed. The final scene before the credits roll is Otis, at home, with the jumper in his hands. He notes a little heart next to his name on the label, and sadly laughs before chucking the jumper on the floor. Just before the scene fades to black, we get a glance at a piece of paper which fell out of the jumper when Otis threw it; its a mind map. The centre says, “Do I love Otis? ” Theres only one connecting line…it just says “yes”. 3x10 – This episode is the only one with a title – “Love is a drug”. Simply, thats the theme of the episode, even outside of Otis and Maeves story. We see in Eric/Adam, Aimee/Steve, Ola/Lily, Ruby/Jackson and Jean/Jakob that love is addictive, and sometimes short-term highs cant make up for the long-term consequences (imply from this what you will, Im only focusing on Otis/Maeve. At the start of the episode, Otis gets a knock on his door. Very tired, and clearly upset after last nights events, hes ready to shove off whoever is visiting, but is surprised to see Aimee at the door. Aimee just says, “Wanna go smash some shit? ” In a montage scene, we see Aimee and Otis destroying the shit out of a car (off screen, Aimees been told by her mother that theyre moving away, and she hasnt told anyone this yet. As such, its straining her and Steves relationship, who shes really falling for. Cut to Otis, with Maeves words whirling through his head. He hits, and hits, and hits, until his bat breaks, then he uses his feet. He kicks the tire and screams, until he collapses on the ground. As Aimee watches, Ruby and Jackson enter from opposite sides of the junkyard, clearly still angry after last nights antics. As they all sit, Jackson starts, “I knew Maeve didnt love me, but it hurt to hear her tell everyone. How can I self-love when I know all I do is disappoint people. ” Then we have Ruby, “I cant believe she told everyone my dads sick. How narrow-minded can one person be? Ive consciously stopped myself making jokes about her family, and she comes out with that shit. Its unbelievable. ” Aimee goes next, “My mum says were moving. I really dont want to leave, my whole life is here, but she wont budge. I feel like I cant tell Maeve, because Im her best friend, and I dont want to be responsible for any more sadness on her part. ” As the camera turns to Otis, his voice breaks as he says, “I still love her. Why do I still love her? ” The camera pans out as Jackson, Otis, Aimee and Ruby hug, broken people in an unfair world, displaying unity. As the weekend ends, we come to the last day of school (its tradition for Moordale to end on a Monday, anything goes, the sixth formers rule the school. No-one has heard from Maeve all weekend, and on the morning of the last day, Isaac goes to Maeves caravan. She looks a wreck (as much as Emma Mackey could. When Isaac asks if shes going into school, she just says, “oh, piss off” and closes the door. Isaac shouts that hes done nothing wrong, she spoke the truth at the party and people just couldnt handle it. Maeve flings the door open and steps right in front of Isaac. She says, “I fucked it, Isaac. The real truth is, Im not good enough for Otis, and I dont want to be responsible for dragging him down with me. Hes such a good person, the best person, how could I live with myself if I hurt him…when Im already hurting myself by ignoring my feelings. ” Isaac pauses, then asks, “You dont love him…do you? ” Maeve says, “What would you know about love? ” Isaac simply responds, “I thought youd know. ” Maeve looks sorry for him, but its not quite the result he wanted. She bends down and kisses him on the forehead, saying “Ive got to get ready for school. ” As the door closes, Isaac returns to his caravan. We see him grab a phone, with one picture on it…Ruby leaning on Otis shoulder. He deletes the photo and throws the phone away, before deciding not to get in Maeves way on her way to school. He knows her intentions, and he wants to be happy. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you create a “marmite” character. At school, Jackson and newly appointed head girl Viv (E-QUAL-I-TY) call an end-of-year assembly in the main hall. Beforehand, Jackson and Eric had arranged a plan, as they expected Maeve not to show up to school. Jackson invites Otis to make the end-of-year speech (already agreed over the weekend as Otis arguably had the biggest impact on the sixth form, and making a speech shows his already great character development) as Maeve receives a facetime call from Eric. Shes half-way to school, stops and answers the call, seeing Otis on stage. Otis is ready to make his end-of-year speech…and hes wearing the jumper Maeve gave back to him on his birthday. Otis – “So, Ive been known by many names during this year at sixth form. New kid, that kid in the corner, O-town, self-proclaimed, and of course, sex kid who looks like a Victorian ghost ( Otis winks at Ruby. One thing that all these names has taught me is its always important to retain your identity, who you truly are, and one person whos not here today has felt that more than the rest of us combined. I believe everyone in this hall is incredibly brave, all in their own ways, and this year has really changed all of our lives. We are the heart and soul of Moordale, well 95% of it. That other 5% is made up by Maeve Wiley. I owe Maeve so much. enter flashbacks of Otis and Maeve from seasons 1, 2 and the start of 3) In a room full of people, she saw me. In moments of darkness, she was a light. When I was lost, she guided me, and made me remember who I am. And I was lying to myself, for so long, but I eventually realised that love is not a choice. Love is a drug. And I was addicted, wow, this is so much easier to say without Maeves death gaze staring back at me, because I know she hates this cheesy shit. Weve all experienced love, and many of us have experienced loss, or an inner battle about what we really want. Eventually, we will all win that battle, and today, I announce to the world, or at least, you guys, that Im…still fighting. Maeve said on my birthday that she cant love me, as shes not ready to eventually lose me. Well, I want everyone to know that Ill wait. Patiently. After summer. After university. Whatever it takes, until youre ready, Maeve. Yes, you have your issues, but I have mine, and I know well work through them. Because thats what love is. And I love you, Maeve. I always will. we see a flashback of Otis reading the mind-map. He smirks* I do hope you love me too. ” Eric ends the call. Maeve, in a moment of impulsiveness, and love, and the epic music builds…Maeve goes back to her caravan…and sits on her sofa. She waits. As we see the resolution of the season for a great many characters (Ruby and Jackson kiss, Maeve sees this as she goes to apologise, deciding to save it for another time, Aimee stays at Moordale and cries into Steves arms, Adam tells Eric he loves him, and Jakob proposes to Jean. Just after this, we see Otis at home. Hes looking at the mind-map, thinking. Something clicks. He goes to the door. The rain is pouring, and theres someone already there. Its Maeve, soaked, and she just stares at Otis. She says, “Im ready, ” and kisses Otis. Just as theyre undressing, Maeve stops, stares at Otis, and says “I love you, Otis. ” Otis says, “Come here, dickhead. ” The credits roll as the two kiss. Season 3 ends. Thank you and goodnight.

Just very bad characters. Whole story just not believable. Heavy on the dialogue to begin with as you'd expect with Guy Ritchie and his liking of the banter. Was rather impressed with Hugh Grant portraying the character he did, which was unlike his usual type-cast role. In fact the delivery of all attributed to the success of the narrative in general. This looks awesome but Idris alba in this too would have been great omg. Tight directing and editing. Labyrinthine plot that was more than a challenge to follow. Overall I liked this movie but others walked out in droves clearly bored by a talking gangster movie. I'm Guy Ritchie and I was once married to Madonna. >After the Artor Muns forces have fled the field, all that was left was to gather the skeletons up and deal with the sleepy/drunken soldiers still left on the battle field >Still smoking heavily from the bones, Drunk and Auspicious grab Furious, and look around for their necromancer Klayla >Klayla is some yards away with Omen still heavily panting beside her >"Yeah if you could drag yourselves over this way, that'd be great. Klayla calls out, pointing at the dead Paladin still emitting holy aura and even in death causing damage to the skeletons >Chicken has found a nice spot to eat his lunch, and Rowdy is still chasing after him trying to find out where he went >Kryian now has found many a gold wedding ring, her little sack in her hand having a heavy jangle to it as she still steps amongst the dead, finding a coin purse here and there >The Toliab Pikemen have also advanced out from the hole in the wall, and are now taking war trophies such as ears and scalps from the slain Artor Muns >Skeletons ignore it, as they don't care about the Artor Muns dead >Klayla begins to heal her skeletons with necromantic TLC, and the skeletons breath out a sigh of relief as the radiant holy damage is ebbed away from their poor bones >Furious skeleton gives a jerk and slowly sits up, still mildly sizzling as his skull swivels back and forth >"Did we win. Drunk hears a noise and turns around, seeing that the paladin's hammer seems to be powering up and glowing >"Wha' tha. It detonates with a holy aura, a bigger one, but thankfully none of them were stupid enough to hang around the dead holy warrior so the dome of blinding light does none of them harm >Klayla gives a bit of a sneezing fit, as if she had inhaled pollen >When the Dome of holy energy dissipates, Auspicious gives a cry of anguish >He had suckered the paladins soul energies into his torch, but when the hammer went off, it shorted out the torch and all the energy had dissipated, as if some foreign hand had snatched away the powerful soul inside >The fire was still there though >Agile skeleton, as soon as the battle was obviously over, slung his rifle almost instantly and began to march his way back towards the field hospital with Milly on his mind >Drunk remembers the very sleepy ogres, and looks around, finding some grenades that Rowdy had dropped and holds them up, waggling unseen eyebrows as he gets a devious idea >Furious and Auspicious are filled in on the idea, and a test phase needs done >Soldiers on the wall and those taking trophies watch curiously as the trio of skeletons huddled around a larger ogre, and are seen fussing about with its mouth >They then see the ogre almost waking up, and Drunk skeleton trying to hold its mouth open as the skeleton is tossed bodily to and fro as another skeleton is trying to hold something next to his lit torch >"What are they doing. One soldier asks, as suddenly all the skeletons begin to sprint away and find cover, while the ogre turns over onto its stomach and scratches at its ass >The resounding "THOOMP" of detonation echoes through the battlefield as the upper half of this ogre simply disappears, and a ragged lower half and a hole remains of the once sleeping ogre >The skeletons look up from their cover and glance at each other >"Ogre Lasagna. They say to each other, and began to stack and layer the ogres into order to make their grenades work to best effect >Soldiers pass money amongst themselves as they watch these skeletons drag and fuss with stacking ogres, who are still fast asleep >All the soldiers pay attention when the skeletons make a run for cover again, and see that they have daisey chained fuses together >"Oh holy shi. Is heard from the wall before another concussion erupts from the battlefield, and a red rain begins to descend from the heavens >Chunks of ogre and ogre morsels rain down from the sky and splat, messily, all over the skeletons, who had this time stood proud behind their cover to admire their handy work >"Perfect. Cries Drunk skeleton happily, and places his hands on his boney hips as a lower intestine hangs sloppily from his skull >Klayla stared on, hiding her emotions for one reason as another, as Omen shrieks and flails, trying to get the ogre bits out of her hair and off her body >Rowdy finds Chicken, and the velociraptor has been hard as work getting his HP back with lunch >Large portions of the Mistress of Flesh are missing, her innards laying splayed in the road like a buffet for the crows >Soldiers march past and poker face as they go, knowing just who that "fowl abomination" belongs to >Rowdy runs up and holds out his hands shouting at Chicken >Chicken clicks at him and wags his great feathery tail happily, tilting his reptilian bird head >Rowdy realizes now that Chicken doesn't know language all that well except for Auspicious and does his best to try to pantomime that he wants the daggers still clutched in the sopping wet hands of the Mistress >Chicken is confused, and leans down, ripping off a chunk of thigh meat and plopping it in Rowdy's hands >Rowdy isn't happy about this and throws it down in frustration, in which Chicken feels insulted that Rowdy would throw down such a prime cut of meat freely given >Chicken growls and turns his back to Rowdy, going back to chowing down on his meal, tearing away at her stomach and hips >Rowdy sneakily slinks over, and manages to whisk away with both of the knives, giving them a twirl >One of them looks like a regular curvy knife, while the other looks. greasy >Rowdy rubs the knife with his thumb, and its still greasy no matter what he does >Huh. >Walking back towards the other skeletons, he sees a soldier standing idle, a younger boy who looks more like a jewelers son from how soft his face and hands are >"Hey, you, can you help me out. Sure sure. The boy says, hopping up and running over >Rowdy holds up the non-greasy knife. "Im going to poke you with this, I want you to tell me what you feel when I do. The lad is weirded the fuck out, but is convinced that this is helping. some how >Rowdy pokes him on the knuckle with the knife >The lad doesn't react at first beyond an "Ow! Yo. Before he fails a Con save >The very bones of his body react violently, and his body is filled with so much savage pain that he falls backwards unconscious, cracking his head on the ground >"ooOOOOOH HEY HELP THIS SOLDIER HAS PASSED OUT HELP. Rowdy screams, looking around while tucking both the knives into his belt and hiding them with his armor >A pair of soldiers walk up and one of them Coo's out "Aw the poor lad must be exhausted from battle. Hey Georgie lets take him to the hospital eh. And the two of them pick up and carry him away >When they are well away, Rowdy takes out the greasy knife. and gives himself a poke with it >Nothing happens, so he shrugs and puts it back in his belt >He sees ahead that the group minus agile is reforming, and jogs away to join them >At the Field Hospital, Agile finds out that Milly was stabilized and moved to the hospital proper, and runs down the location of where she is >Milly is near the back, Agile having to walk amongst the beds of those others who have lost limbs >Ranks upon ranks of soldiers lay in beds, missing hands, legs, arms, a few civilians are here and there, but no other young adults besides Milly >Theres a chair beside the bed where Milly lay, her head on a pillow and a small bottle beside her bed >Judging from how loudly Milly is snoring, Agile figures it must be some kind of pain killer or sleeping agent >He also sees that her wound has been well wrapped and treated, but a bit messy >The skeleton flags down a nurse, who strides over and cleans away the old bandages >If Agile could have blanched, he would have >They had to go in and cut away more of the leg wound in order to make sure it was well cleaned and even, and they had now bound it to heal, and the scar foretold of a healer having come in and sealed the wound magically >Milly lay there snoring, her hands clutching her hospital clothes, and Agile looked down at her as sadly as a skeleton could >He relayed to the group that he was staying with Milly, and leaned back in the chair that was next to her bed >There he sat, unmoving, on guard for Milly >"He says hes staying with Milly" Reports Drunk, nodding at Klayla >Meanwhile, First has a chicken >Rowdy had told First to find him something to stab, and some minutes ago the Gnoll went running off into the town >Now. First had a chicken >"Where did you find that. Rowdy starts, looking around for guards >"In front of house. Did you atleast ask first. No, YOU asked First to find chicken. First says, shaking the little animal in her meaty paw by the neck >The two exchange a few more words before Rowdy finally takes the chicken, as First pins her ears >"Rowdy tell First to find something stab, ask First if First asked first, riddle riddles. She growls, and crosses her arms >Rowdy looks at her sassily, then pokes the chicken with the greasy dagger >First's angry ears turn to fear ears, as the chicken gives a short screech before bleeding from every orifice and duct available in that body >"HOLY SHIT. WHAT THE -FUCK- IS THAT. W H Y  A R E  Y O U  H O L D I N G  I T " Screeches Klayla and all the living members recoil away from the scene, as Rowdy drops the chicken into the puddle of its own original recipe >"I. I took it from. The dead lady. I" He says, before realizing hes still holding it and wrapping it up in cloth, leather, and stuffing it down into his rucksack >The skeletons turn and debate chucking the dagger into the harbor, when a crunching sound is heard >Skeletons turn back around to see Chicken. Eating the Chicken >"aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Yowls Auspicious, and he launches forward >"GIVE IT TO ME, SPIT IT OUT, STOP -FUCKING CHEWING. Auspicious has to reach, arm length, into Chickens throat in order to pull out the bled out fowl, and rips it out with a wet SCHLORP and throwing the chicken away >Then has to strangle hold chicken to make sure he couldnt run after it >"Meal! My Food. Chicken cries out into Auspicious brain, and the Velocichicken churrs sadly >"Its poisoned you idiot. My Foooooooooooood. Time Warp To the Next Morning >Skeletons are milling about the Inn during the breakfast hours >Auspicious and Chicken head off to get some armor made for the raptor, the little fox familiar trotting behind them, as the living members sit down to have breakfast >Harla, Omen, and Klayla all take a standard breakfast of whole grains and meats, while First seems to just want beer and meat, gnawing idly at a leg of something that apparently tastes delicious >Furious sees this and decides its time to scoot, as Drunk and Rowdy take a seat with the party, Rowdy having a cup of coffee and Drunk with his tankard and a bowl of. cereal >As Furious is leaving the building, hes sees an official looking gentlemen striding towards the inn with a retinue of people, but doesn't want anything to do with it and slides past into the street >He is quite portly and cheery faced, waving to people who look at him and generally acting quite friendly >"Ah hello the- oh, wait, ok. The man sputters as Furious slips on by, his bones rattling as he resolutely steps away >Straightening his vest and clearing his throat, the gentleman regains his composure and steps forward towards the door of the inn, opening it and stepping inside while his people filter in behind him >It is quite apparent who his target is, and walks towards the table >Klayla is staring at her skeletons as shes trying to eat her oatmeal, staring at them with slitted eyes as they mock drink and eat, making a mess on the floor >"Ah! There you are. The man exclaims. "I assume you are the skeletons, and necromancer, from a few days ago! The ones that helped break the siege. Rowdy skeleton holds his coffee cup up, pinky out, and looks at the gentleman. "Who wants to know. Drunk skeleton also stares, messily crunching cereal in his jaws, and the milk falling onto the floor below >"Heh, well you see, I control this city. He says, standing proudly >"So you're like. a king. Rowdy asks >"I wouldn't say king, I'd say like a. very powerful Mayor of sorts. Sounds like a king with extra steps. Drunk says, chomping loudly >"Eeeh. sure. Why not. Now, which one of you is in charge. The Gentleman asks, pointing a finger at the table >Harla and Omen sniff and sit back, while Rowdy goes "Well I dont want to toot my own ho. Drunk smacks him on the shoulder and then points his spoon at Klayla >"Yeah, im in charge of these idiots, how can I help you. Klayla groans out, and flicks her extra silver wear at rowdy, who dodges it and rattles at her >"Excellent excellent" He says, and sits down next to Klayla, snagging an extra chair. "I felt that you guys deserve a kind of reward, after hearing what you guys did, and what happened to your poor little friend who lost her leg. The skeletons murmur in agreement while Klayla lightly waves her hand at them to quiet them >"So, theres no good way to really reward these kinds of actions, so I decided to take a little initiative and visit the market guild here in the city, and kind of give you a. blank check, so to speak. Everyone agree'd to either give you charity, or at least a hefty discount on anything you may need. I mean, how do you really reward, dead people? Besides simple money? Money is so lacking in character and blase. I decided to do something with a little more flair. Earlier, while standing guard over Milly at the Hospital, Milly awakens from her rest and groans, looking around and seeing the stoic skeleton sitting next to her bed side >"Mr Agile. She murmurs, and reaches up, giving his rifle sling a tug >Agile snaps out of his day dreaming and looks down, placing a hand over Milly's >He checks in on how shes doing, and then fetches a nurse to get her leg checked out and a few other vital things looked over >Milly makes it quite apparent she wants to leave while the nurse checks her pulse, and frowns as the nurse checks her eyes, quite annoyed by having someones fingers in her eyeball >Shes finally given the ok to leave and she happily swings her legs over the side of the bed >There is however a pause, as she looks down and sees that not everything is in equal measure >Millys face contorts for a moment as she stares down, angry at her leg >"If I had just stayed put. She murmurs, and wiggles her ghost toes, her thigh muscles flexing with the motion >"It was very brave though, what you did. I mean, um, not every little girl has the brass coconuts to run up on a wall, yknow, mid siege just to hand out supplies. Agile says quickly, trying to distract Milly >He goes on for a bit, and finally manages to get Milly to crack a smile, before she cuts him off for a moment >"Who was the woman? The big really big lady? I heard laughing and only saw her for a split moment. Agile skeletons wrings his boney hands for a moment, before telling her about his chosen deity and what she did to make sure they survived the fall >Milly furrows her brows for a second when Agile tells her she doesn't have a mouth, but takes the information in stride >Figuratively, anyway >Milly looks at Agile, her voice quiet. "Can we leave. Agile tilts his head but his gaze catches hers, and sees that she is looking at the other people in the hospital, many of them also missing limbs and other grievous injuries > The skeleton pops up and scoops Milly into his arms, holding her close as he begins to walk away >The nurse looks up and guffaws as Agile is already half way across the ward >"WAIT! WAIT YOU BONE HEAD, YOU NEED THESE. She bellows, and Agile turns to see her holding a pair of crutches >Milly and Agile look at each other, before Agile has to sheepishly walk over to let Milly take her crutches, holding them to her chest >"Lets get you some actual breakfast, I think. Says Agile, and they both walk out into the sun >A few minutes pass as the two make their way down towards the inn, when a shadow swallows them as something blocks the sun >Both of them look up and see a boneified pocket frigate coasting across the sky, held aloft by a great gas envelope >Milly cries out in excitement at the sight of the big ship, as Agile's bottom jaw thonks against his armor from how low its hanging >"Look at it! Its an airship. Milly squeals, and sits up as best she can in Agiles arms. "Do you think we can see it later. Agile skeleton looks down at the happy Milly, and smiles on the inside >"Course we can, my little Possum. But first, food. FLAMING SKELETON AND BRAVE GIRL IN THE HOOOOOOUSE" Agile bellows, and strides up with big bone energy, causing the scribes and other members of the Gentlemans retinue to part >Agile had walked up in time to hear what was being said inside, and decided to make an entrance >They know who he is, and part quickly >Rowdy gestures to Agile. "And this is our intern. Oh fuck off cunt, im the iconic member of this outfit. Agile growls back, pointing at him with a hand from under Milly >Rowdy holds up his hands. "Oh yeah real easy to be iconic when you burn the literal candle at both ends. Drunk skeleton pipes up "Hes actually the main care taker for our friend. He also likes tubes that shoot out explodey things. Agile gives his back a wiggle, his rifle rattling. "I do like my BOOM STICKS. The Gentleman laughs. "ah yes, dad told me all about you. Your. dad. Agile asks >"Yes, and he said you were having a lovers quarrel with this one. and the gentleman points at Rowdy >Rowdy slams down his hand. "WE ARE STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL IN NATURE. What? You're dating now. Asks Milly, confused as fuck >Both skeletons begin yelling at each other and at the Gentleman, who laughs and holds up his hands in front of him in self defense >After everyone quiets down, the Man explains again that whatever the party needs, the city will try and provide, though he cannot help them with his dad, after all, and chuckles after he says that >Skeletons all Hmm at each other, and Rowdy lifts his coffee cup to his lips, spattering coffee all down his chest and seat, then smacking his lips thoughtfully >A thud is heard, as Klayla exasperatedly thumps her head on the table >The Gentleman chuckles, answers a few more questions as Agile and Rowdy begin arguing again over the rifle Rowdy stole, and then bids his goodbye, walking away from the domestic altercation >Milly is given a seat to sit in, as well as some food, and she happily ruffles First's ears >Usually First doesn't abide this, but due to Milly's leg, she lets it slide. for now, churring angrily >Harla looks down at her daughter as she sets down her tea cup, and nudges her, Klayla's head rolling on the table. Klayla darling, why dont you tell them what we were discussing earlier before breakfast. Nnnyaaaaaaaaaaaaggghhh. Klayla groans, and lifts her head, hair stuck to her face from her embarrassed sweating due to her skeletons acting. as they always do >"Right. Right. Klayla explains to the skeletons in front of her, that they want to go home >"Home? Oni Lands. Drunk says, leaning forward harshly and shuddering the table, causing Omen and Milly to scrabbling for their cups as they tilted ominously >"Yes, home. Mama. EXPLAINED to me that we should go home, and ALSO. She growls, looking up at her mom, who flexes her arm menacingly. Said that I need to LET you guys do it because ive been telling you WHAT TO DO ~too much. She bites off the last part, and Harla eyes her threateningly while still holding a soft smile >"Wat. All the skeletons say at once >Harla speaks up this time. "After all, you have shown yourselves to be completely competent, and should well be able to plan this all on your own. THATS NOT WHAT WE DIS- Klayla erupts, rounding on her mother, but before she can get anything else out, Harla whips out her arm and hugs the necromancer to her bosom. Shes so proud of what you guys have done, and really really wants you guys to plan our route home after you go and buy supplies. Klayla screeches from under her mother's arm and chest flesh, scrabbling and kicking, but her mother is fucking strong bro >"Now now, no time to waste. Harla chirps happily, and with her free hand bids the skeletons to go >Klayla is throwing how she really feels into the skulls of the Skeletons, who are choking back laughter from the abuse as Milly and Omen stare on wide eyed, slowly spooning food into their mouths >They however, take the hint, and begin to leave the Inn to venture out into the markets of Toliab and take advantage of their free pass on the town >To sum up their mental link, its more or less a long, drawn out, angry, furious, necromantic REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE >The skeletons lose their shit out on the street, hooting with laughter >"Necromilf has a sense of humor" roars Drunk, and they all separate after >Rowdy decides he wants to get a very secure sheath for the death knife made, and tucks it plus the box its in inside his rib cage, and sets off to find a leather worker >His first Target is Gertrudes Simple Leathers, and walks in, the bell on the door tinkling as he steps through it >"Well hello there young man. says an older woman, clearly well past retirement age, her hands shaking slightly as she works on a small pattern on her work board >for some reason, Rowdy thinks this is the perfect person to ask >Rowdy explains to her that this knife is very dangerous, but would like a leather sheath made for it with clasps so it can't fall out >Gertrude, the sweet old woman, agrees, and asks rowdy to place the knife on a leather blank >Her hands bobbing with her tremors, she begins to trace the blade with a little oil pen, rounding along the edge to get a good print >Rowdy flinches, as Gertrude goes "Oh! Sharp it is indeed. Her finger is bleeding >"oooooooOOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Rowdy bellows, and leaps forward to help as the woman begins to convulse >He first thinks to burn his favor, but instead of beseeching the gods >"HOLD ON ILL CHECK MY RUCK SACK" He screams as the woman begins to screech, blood pouring out of her eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and else where >As Rowdy leans down to rummage in his pack, he hears a thud >Slowly rising, Rowdy leans up and peeks over the top of the work bench. Gertrude. He whispers, and rises a little more to see Gertrude has retired >Permanently >With a flash Rowdy shoves the knife back into its safety box, slams it inside his ribcage, shoulders his bag, snatches the outline, and books it out of the store, the bell tinkling as he runs out >Rowdy takes a moment to regain his bearings, and goes down the road to Andy's Hide n Tail, walking past the door >The man working behind the counter sees Rowdy and waves >"Hey there! I was told you may make an appearance, how can I help you. The Skeleton holds up a hand to stop him. "How old are you and how fine are your hands. Uh. Im about 45 years old, and my hands are. okay. The man chuckles nervously >Rowdy explains what he needs again, and lays down the outline >"Oh this looks like one of Gertrude's outlines with how shakey it is. Should really have retired years ago. Far far too old to be working. Ought to stop by and see hows shes doing. He chuckles, and holds up the pattern >"Good thing you came here though, that knife is super dangerous by the sounds of it. Why dont you take a look at the wall for a steel scabbard and bring it over here. rowdy finds one that kinda matches the knife, having pulled it out by the wall to ghost fit, and finds one he likes, with buckles for the hilt, a cavalry sheath >When he turns around, he sees the man is wearing extremely thick leather armor and is standing against the wall >"Does it fit. He shouts, muffled by his helmet >Rowdy slides it in, its a little wiggly >"Any way to kind of tighten it up. Yup! Just uh... throw me the sheath, you hold the knife. He replies >Rowdy tosses him the sheath >"Good, now stay there and keep that fucking thing away from me. You see, Rowdy had been a BIT more adamant on just what the knife did, but lied, saying it made you burst into flames so his crime would be covered up >After a bit of tinkering with the sheath, Andy throws it back to Rowdy, and it fits snuggly. Good to hear! Now. get that thing out of my store. Rowdy exits the store, dagger in sheath, sheath in box, box in ribcage, and walks out onto the road, and sees drunk there, waving at him and running over to him to go get some armor made together >Rowdy is, however, body checked by a sailor who didn't see him, and as the sailor apologizes, the box in his ribcage by bad luck, flies out into the air >and smashes down onto the road >The death knife, in its metal sheath, skitter across the cobbles >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"   Rowdy screeches in absolute panic, scrabbling on all fours after the knife >Drunk skeleton stands there. "What're ya doin. DEATH KNIFE. DEATH KNIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE. Rowdy yells again to him via necroskype, and Drunk sees the sheath get kicked by a passer bys foot and flys between his feet >"Oh. no. He groans, and spins, leaping after it [Yackity Sax Plays Loudly] >After a few successful rolls, both skeletons manage to corral the knife and tie it snuggly to the bones of Rowdy's rib cage, before double tying it and then tightening down the armor straps >Drunk decides he wants metal armor, and heads off to the black smiths >Rowdy sighs and sees another leather worker, Gonborro's Leather Works >He walks in, and the first thing he sees is a very cute woman working at her work desk, deftly sewing a leather mask while humming >She looks up and smiles "Oh! Its one of you! How Lovely. Rowdy doesn't hear this, as the room spins around him >Shes a leather worker all right >All along the walls are rows, and rows of fetish wear >Gimp masks, ball gags, strap ons, chastity belts, full body leather suits, leather whips, leather leg shackles, leather body harnesses, corsets, stiletto boots of all sizes, thigh high boots, animal tail butt plugs, its all there >"Iiiiiiiiiiiiii. Rowdy says, backing away towards the door, but the woman catches his hand >"Oh come on now, you just walked in. And pulls him inside, the door closing behind him >Rowdy recovers long enough to say he needs armor >She says she knows just the thing, and leads Rowdy to a very normal looking suit of leather armor in the corner along with a few more normal things, such as a face mask >Theres also a leather gimpsuit next to it with only a hole for the mouth, and Rowdy blanches as best as a skeleton can >Rowdy breathes out in relief, and says that armor will do fine, but that he wants a few certain custom things done to it >"You want a door to access your ribcage. She says, crossing her arms, and the skeleton pokes his finger tips together >"Wish I could say that was the weirdest thing ive been asked, but its a little bit of a custom job and will take maybe a day or two, and while the k i n g said it was free, Im gonna have to charge you a LITTLE for my time >Rowdy agrees, then also pays for a face mask that she offers, and they both shop for a moment to figure it out exactly what he wants, which is something that covers his face and mouth, is artistic, and only allows his eye sockets to show >they finger guns at each other, and she giggles happily >"I'll see you soon. She says, and drags the armor to her work bench >Rowdy turns to leave, and sees the wall with the door is top to bottom with whips, many of which have a phallus for the handle >Rowdy's boots squeak as he skitters to a stop, then continues on, pretending to ignore what he saw as he exits >Drunk links up with rowdy again, and both of them make their way to Mad Jack, the hatter >Drunk asks Rowdy about the leather shopping, but Rowdy is reluctant to say anything, clamming up immediately >Drunk skeleton is curious, but doesn't pry >The two find mad jack, and after wrestling with the mercury addled mind of the Hatter, make off with a bright blue jojo type hat, and a large red cardinal hat a-la NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION >Both don their hats immediately, and move on to the potion store >A young girl is working the counter, and once shes sees both the skeletons, she pulls down on her pig tails, clutching them to her cheeks >"Oh no, not you two. I thought I was safe. POTIONS SELLER" Begins Drunk >"I AM GOING INTO BATTLE" Follows Rowdy, striking a pose >Drunk skeletons runs a hand along the edge of his stupid hat >"AND I NEED YOUR STRONGEST POTIONS. He roars, pointing a finger at her with a flourish >"UGGGGGGGGGH" the young girl groans, and tries to hide behind her counter >The two skeletons level out after that and purchase stuff for their living compatriots, Drunk buying a field surgeon kit and some books on the subject to read >Over his shoulder he hears the young woman yelling at Rowdy >"THERES NO SUCH THING AS BONE HEALING JUICE, YOU IDIOT. ITS NO SHOCK THE PERSON DUMB ENOUGH TO TEST A KNIFE ON MY BROTHER IS THE SAME MORON WHO THINKS BONE JUICE IS REAL. Drunk laughs, as Rowdy rattles at her >They make way with their purchases, an the girl purses her lips >"All purchases are on the house. She murmurs, placing a small jar on the counter, But tips ARE appreciated. Rowdy tips her a copper, in which it then pings off his skull as she whips it back into his face >Drunk likes her fire, and tips her a silver >"See? He knows how to treat a woman!.

Very slow and inaccessible start, it took the best part of 45 minutes to warm up. Everyone: no Eggsy I hate it. Me: THE PISTOL HAS A BLUNDERBUSS-STYLE SHOTGUN BARREL IT IS A PROTOTYPE OF THE KINGSMAN STANDARD ISSUE PISTOL THAT'S SUPER NICE ATTENTION TO DETAIL. MICHELLLLLLLLEEE I AM SO READY. Hello Moonhorse and the Celestial Herd, oh boy do I have a thingy here for you! Why a thingy? Well I don't know what the hell else to call this. So, I did an essay for Uni last week and I now have a newfound love for the story of Don Quixote de la Mancha. Just to let you now why and how ahead of its time this novel was, there's a character that talks about the friend zone and how men aren't entitled to her just because she's good looking (and it basically writes all the women like people instead of how they 'breast boobily down the stairs' or whatever the Neckbeards are writing these days. Anyway enough of my ranting about how good this story is (but seriously, read it. Since my background in writing started in fanfiction (no, not smut for anyone wondering) I had the bright idea (at 2am) to write a what if Don Quixote was a Neckbeard/Weebaoo living in modern day Tokyo. Yes. That's what this is, that kinda thingy. Alright folks, buckle up and get your Nippon Steel at the ready because we're going to the madhouse and I'll be your tour guide! Please note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Without further ado, I give you: Edo no Don Fedxote; or, The Supreme Gentleman Don Fedxote of Edo Chapter the Ichi: Which treats of the character and pursuits of the infamous Gentleman Edo no Don Fedxote In the City of Edo, the name of which Tokyo once was, there lived not so long ago one of those ‘gentlemen who kept a katana in his umbrella stand, an old trenchcoat, an unkempt fedora, and a moped for travelling. A fridge of fast food leftovers rather than anything fresh, takeaway pizza consumed most nights, cheap to-go sushi on Saturdays, tendies on Fridays, and a cup ramen or more on Sundays, made away with but one quarter of his income. The rest of it went into only the ‘finest of merch, manga and anime from Akihabara and to his expansive collection of hentai games, while on weekdays he made a pudgy figure in his best leather trenchcoat. He had in his cramped single room apartment, no family and no person he knew had visited. For they refused to understand his choice to become one with the Nihon and so had moved to the bustling Capital of all that was Anime. His friends only existed online and even then, they were all just “inferior beta males”, compared to his red-pill ‘alpha male self. The age of this self proclaimed ‘gentleman of ours was bordering on thirty; he was one of lazy habit, obese, round faced, a very late riser and a far from competent athlete. Though he couldnt be convinced of this… to the dismay of others. Those ‘normies who claimed to know him would have it that his surname was ‘Thomson or ‘Robinson (for here there is some difference of opinion among the authors who write on the subject… they started a Twitter flame war over it…) although from reasonable sense its pretty clear that he was called Henderson (fucking fight me on it, I dare you. This however, is of little to no importance to our tale; it will be enough to simply tell nothing but the whole truth in this account of such a fable as he. You must know, then, that the above-named and self proclaimed ‘gentleman whenever he was at leisure (which was mostly all the year round) gave himself up to reading light novels, manga and the latest edition of Shounen Jump. Abounding with tales of generic faced overpowered high school boys that break the Mary Sue scale just by existing. He was so enamoured by these wish fulfilment books that he often neglected the pursuit of outside activities. It was obvious from the stench and the state of disorder that his cheap apartment had fallen into that his NEET lifestyle led him to neglect much around him. And to such an extent did his enthusiasm to consume ‘Otaku media and his infatuation with the stuff go that he sold many of his old possessions when he lived in what he referred to as ‘The United States of Feminist Cancer to be able to keep up with the weekly serials of some of his favourite Shounen titles, though most of it went to Ecchi manga in the end. Before his move, he had brought home as many Manga from the Barnes and Noble, that just barely tolerated his patronage, that he could get. But of all there were none he liked to read more than those authored by certain Mangaka - their composition, monotonously consistent art style and many many female characters with personalities as 2D as their appearance were as pearls in the ‘gentleman's eyes. Over conceits such as predictable plot twists with equally predictable resolutions generic to the genre did the ‘poor gentleman lose his wits, and used to lie awake after a night of gaming or the other thing to understand them and predict their resolution. Worming out some hidden meaning behind each generic plot development; what in his mind Aristotle himself couldnt have made out or extracted had he returned to life for such a purpose (an utter waste of bringing Aristotle back from the dead imo… fucking weebs. He was not at all happy about the wounds his friend Xx_DarknessHeart_xX gave and took as they argued over who Best Girl was in each new seasonal lineup of Anime and his friends insistence on the Loli character each time. Because it seemed to him that great as all chests were, flat or round, he must have only bought Dakimakura of Waifus with the largest and most impractical of bosoms. He commended however, the author of his favourite generic Shounen Mangas way of ending his series with the promise of that continuous adventure, and many a time was he tempted to up his pen and stop procrastinating (as an author myself, I feel this so much. and finish it properly as it is there proposed, and made a successful piece of work of it too, had not greater better, more original and passion fuelled thoughts as plot bunnies for new tales permeated his mind and prevented him. Many an argument did the ‘gentleman have with his landlord (a well learned man, and graduate of Nihon University, no I didnt just make that one up. as to who was arguably the best ideal for humanity to idolise. Kirito from Sword Art Online or a one Mr. Fred McFeely Rogers. Mr. Yamada the gardener, however, argued that neither of them could compete with Mahatma Gandhi, and that if there was any that could compare with him it would be their glorious former Emperor Akihito, because he brought the people of Japan into a new age of enlightenment, and had no fear of working towards friendship with other nations, nor did he wish to war and lead his people to the brink of destruction unlike his father. But our ‘gentleman would snort and laugh at such notions that humanity should collectively idolise anything other than Anime or Manga. In short, he became so absorbed into ‘Otaku culture that he spent his nights from sunset to sunrise, and his days from dawn to dark, pouring over all such things he could; and what with little sleep and much reading that his brain became so delirious that he finally lost his wits! His fancy grew full of what he used to read about in his mountain of Manga; magic, teen level drama, battles, challenges, wounds that should honestly kill the guy, wooings, loves, agonies, and all sorts of impossible nonese; and so it possessed his mind that the whole fabric of invention and fancy he read of was in fact true, that to him no history in the world had more reality to it than Anime. He used to say Batman was quite a good character, but now believes him to be ‘western trash corrupted by SJW communists to get back at the white man and that he pales in comparison to the character of Sasuke because he was in his words ‘such a better character than the dark cuck! due to the general edgelord behaviour of Sasuke. When it comes to superheroes, he thought more highly of the character Bakugo from his favourite Superhero anime because of his general psychotic anger at the world for no apparent reason was something our ‘gentleman could relate to deeply. There are many more intense and unhinged beliefs he held but in short, his wits being quite gone, he hit upon the strangest of notions. One that every madman in the world eventually hit upon. And that was that he believed it was right and required, in addition to supporting his own ego honour as for the service of his GLORIOUS NIPPON, that he should make a knight-errant of himself, roaming the Island of Japan adorned in his best fedora and mightiest trenchcoat, travelling upon his mighty steed (moped) on the quest for adventure, and putting into practice the skills he had gained in all he had read from his Mangas of the proper behaviours of a protagonist and knightly gentleman; righting every kind of wrong, and exposing himself to peril and danger from which he would reap eternal renown and fame. Already the delusional man crowned by the might of his arm, Emperor Hirohito at least; and so, led away by the intense enjoyment he had found in these delusions, he set himself forth to put his scheme into execution. The first thing he did was to clean off the cheeto dust from his worn trenchcoat, that stank to the nines and would need purging with a chemical bath to remove Nergals taint from every fibre it was composed of, and it had lied among the ‘gentlemans nest for ages, forgotten and baking in the Japanese Summer. Eaten by mildew and covered in dust. He scrubbed as best he could but naturally had no cleaning supplies beyond a dishrag and thus gave up shortly. He searched through many fedoras but found none that truly complimented his ‘class; and so he contrived a kind of custom fedora. One where he printed on simple A4 paper a certain pattern and superglued several pages of it to his most shapely hat. It is true that, in order to see if his ‘nobility was on display here, he roamed Shibuya station in broad daylight, onlookers averting their gazes and whispering judgmentally about the westerner in the ahegao fedora. Caring not to adjust his new hat and deeming it a success, he adopted it as the ‘gentlemans hat of most perfect construction. He next inspected his trusty steed, which with more clanking in its engine than smooth purring and more anime stickers than that one kid in high schools artbook, it however surpassed his inspections and so long as it ran, it was more reliable in his eyes than any ‘chad motorcycle from Toyota or Kawasaki. Four days were spent thinking what name to give to his moped, because (as he said himself) it was not right that a steed belonging to a knight so famous, and one with such merits of his own, should be without a distinct name. He strove to adapt it in an effort to give it the appearance of a storied vehicle. One that had travelled many roads before meeting its master, instead of being a legacy model bought for cheap at the local dealership from that nice Ojisan. For it was only reasonable that if its master was to take up a new title and persona, then so should the steed that hauled him across the land; and that it should be a distinguished name, befitting the new order and calling it was about to follow. And so, having gone to and clicked refresh many, many times, picking potential names, only to discard them like the McDonalds wrappers that now composed his floor, he finally decided upon calling the dying little scooter Shigo, a name to his thinking, was reliable, strong, storied, and significant of the condition it had been sold to him in before it became what it is in its present state. Though perhaps still an accurate name under the strain of the large ‘gentleman who rode the moped near the end of its life-cycle. Having a name for his steed so much to his taste, he was quite anxious to create one for himself, and it took eight days more to ponder over such a decision. What should a knight be called? He spent much of this time eating into several buckets of chicken while it ate at his thoughts, Anime of many heroic characters that could be classed as knights themselves playing away as he looked for inspiration. Then he saw a certain anime, one detailing the grand adventures of one Don Quixote, who the ‘gentlemen that weve acquainted ourselves with, has a suspiciously similar situation to. Oblivious to the western source material and completely misinterpreting the message of the Anime depicting the literary figure, he found his answer. Combining his relation to the character with his love for the ‘gentlemans hat; at last he made up his mind to call himself “Don Fedxote, ” whence, as has already been said, the authors of this veracious history must have been beyond a doubt that his surname was ‘Thomson, and not ‘Robinson as others would have it. Recollecting however, it would be preposterous for him to only have a single name, Don Fedxote knew this well and thus, chose to style himself after the only character from western media he can still respect, completely misinterpreting said character as well, and followed the example of Geralt of Rivia, dedicating his namesake to the place he called home. Then on, he became Edo no Don Fedxote, or Don Fedxote of Edo, whereby he considered, that he accurately described his origin and the country to which he belonged, despite being absolutely none of these things. So then, his trenchcoat being furbished, his fedora given a new “aesthetic, ” his steed christened, and he himself granted a new knightly identity, he came to the conclusion that nothing more was needed now but to look out for a mlady to be in love with; for a knight-errant without love was like a Naruto without his Hinata, or a Gamer without his Waifu. As he said to himself, “If by fortune or misfortune, I come across a villain on my journey, a common occurrence with knights such as I, and best him in single combat with my trusty katana Aibo, or cleave him asunder at the waist, or in any way vanquish and subdue him; wouldnt it be well to have some delightful flower I may send him to as a present, that he may fall at her feet before my sweet lady, and in a humble, submissive voice say ‘I am the Baka villain, vanquished in single combat by the noble knight Don Fedxote of Edo, who has commanded me to present myself here before your grace, that your Highness may dispose me at your pleasure or ask if he may commit seppuku to reclaim his honour? ” Oh how our gentlesir enjoyed the delivery of that speech to his discord, especially when he had thought of someone to name his lady! There was, so the story goes, a Manga store near his apartment, a very good looking girl with who he had once been in love with, though so far as is known, Don Fedxote had never much interacted with the woman. Nor did she know much of him, her manager usually taking his patronage. Her name was Rina Sakurai, and upon her he thought fit to bestow the title of Lady of his Thoughts; and after some searching for a name befitting of the goddess he viewed her as, yet again scouring the internets many random name generators, he decided to call her Dulchi-chan - a name, to his mind was befitting and adorable, to anyone who reads this tale and knows full well of the irony in calling her such things, it bears to mind Don Quixotes own Dulcinea. But most of all, he considered it significant and unique, like all others he had decided upon without a thought to how they sounded like the names of badly written fanfiction characters. End of Chapter 1 And that's all I've got. I'll be real with you and say that I've been writing this with the book open in Kindle and may I just say that from the first chapter alone, Don Quixote sounds like such a Neckbeard himself. I kept some of the original content and went with the general direction of the original story too since it was just perfect for the context of this parody as is but it was fun to write and kill some time with and I hope it was enjoyable for everyone reading/listening as well. I don't know whether or not to continue this since I'm just writing it for shits and giggles and to parody a parody so if you want more of this, let me know! That's all from me, until whatever I post next and remember to "Toss a coin to your Moonhorse, O' channel of lovelies.

Kinda corny but may catch on bootleg. Payback seems awsome. All the others before that was all about stuff blowing up. Charlie is intelligent,but for some reason doesn't want to show it. I guess it's profitable acting like a good old boy. What was more challenging.

 

 

 

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